Falling

tiny: ... because everyone thinks it should be possible to just keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of the air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. and that should be possible. you should be able to fall forever.

and i think: no.

seriously. no.

because i have spent my life falling. not the kind that tiny's talking about. he's talking about love. i'm talking about life. in my kind of falling, there's no landing. there's only hitting the ground. hard. dead, or wanting to be dead, so the whole time you're falling, it's the worst feeling in the world because you have no control over it. because you don't know how it ends.

i don't want to fall. all i want to do is stand on solid ground.

and the weird thing is, i feel like i'm doing that now. because i am trying to do something good. in the same way that tiny is trying to do something good.